So I stumbled across this blog, I forgot about it, natch. Rereading my 1 and only lonely entry, i decided it was time to re-post. So, that fiction teacher, I found out, lives.... IN MY BUILDING! agh! anyway, she is no longer my teachdeteach, so it's all good I guess. Today, I have been awestruck by the sheer incredible size and stalker/gawkeriness of the internet. yeah I know, I'm a little late. Still, it's weird, I was looking for someone's blog, who I want to know more about and all of their posts had been deleted but I could still read snippets of them. It was v. frustrating and v. strange and I decided to stop there because I was already feeling like enough of a stalker. In other news I am out and away from the city, home for the... if you will. Trying to keep busy, but I get this feeling like I'm just distracting myself until....until....until what? I don't know, but I often get this feeling, and I'm realizing that I never let myself put down roots into anything. I flit and flutter, the epitome of a dabbler( there is a much bigger, sophisto word for it that I'm blanking on at the mo) and I'm getting incredibly sick of it. I want to feel so enthralled about whatever I am doing that I will give up anything for it, just to be doing it, whatever IT is. But, I don't know I just seem to get incredible passion for things fleetingly, but while it lasts, I'm reelingly excited, giddy to start whatever it is. I have many half-finished projects lying around the house, including, a rarely used darkroom with, probably, expired chemicals. These projects can get expensive, and I'm very lucky if I get well on my way to anything. Usually I just get an idea, get wildly excited, go out and get whatever I need, make one, small attempt, then grow weary with how difficult whatever it is is proving to be and flit away. I'm like a very large child. I suppose it's my nuts gemini ways, anyway, I decided to go back to all my old blogs from when I was just a tween or baby teen, you know 13, 14, 15, and read them. Man, it's odd, having these scattered pieces of myselves all over the internet. Talk about multiple personalities. I am constantly contradicting myself, offering wildly disparate personality crises up to the blogging gods. It's weird that anyone could read them; would they have any idea of the kind of person I am having read them? probably not, throughout all the old xangas, livejournals, myspace blogs, etc. there is a not-so-subtle feeling of acute self-consciousness and self-editing. Anyway, I may continue this rant later, but for now, it's dinner time, and I leave you all to puzzle over this wonderful photo of one of my favorite rockers in the left hand corner.
